Commentary #2

The title of the essay gives strength to the overall topic of the essay which is that personal experience is what made Hitchens so convincing. The overall direction of my partner’s essay is off to a great start. She clearly states her position on the success of the article, but is a little vague when it comes to the specific strategies, stating that the author used “many different techniques”. I think that her thesis needs to be more specific in order to persuade her reader by citing how the success of the article was gained.

Her first paragraph has a strong topic sentence with a good transition from the introduction. She makes it clear that she is discussing ethos with use of personal experience giving strength to the author’s argument. The quote she used, however, looks like it would appeal more to pathos.  The next paragraph brings up the use of ethos in using the strategy of fairness to opposing views, but seems to lack a topic sentence, quote and support for assertion. She can definitely build on this point and make it a strong paragraph. In switching to the subject of the appeal of pathos, the writer needs to incorporate more transition in her topic sentence. She makes it clear, however which appeal and technique (language) she is discussing. A Quote or paraphrase is needed before the critique of the method. In the sixth paragraph the writer gives another example of appeal to pathos. This paragraph has a nice transition, but I think she needs to be more specific on the strategy used in her topic sentence. The rest of the paragraph is good, providing a quote and critique of the author’s use of narrative tone. The next paragraph seems a little out of place because it goes back to the appeal to ethos with noting alternate views as well as touching on pathos and language. In her eighth paragraph, I believe the writer gave an example of the pathos appeal, but may have been trying to touch on the subject of logos through a testimony from Malcom Nance. A transitional topic sentence seems to be missing and her point on the quote used discusses pathos. I believe she needs to revisit the paragraph as well as give mention to logos in her essay.

Finally the conclusion again states the writer’s position on the success of the article. She makes note of one way the author appealed to his audience, but I think she can definitely build on this and make the paragraph a little longer and less vague about the technique used to adhere to all of the appeals required. Once she makes this a stronger recap to the essay she should have a better conclusion.