The
title of the essay gives strength to the overall topic of the essay which is
that personal experience is what made Hitchens so convincing. The overall
direction of my partner’s essay is off to a great start. She clearly states her
position on the success of the article, but is a little vague when it comes to
the specific strategies, stating that the author used “many different
techniques”. I think that her thesis needs to be more specific in order to
persuade her reader by citing how the success of the article was gained.
Her
first paragraph has a strong topic sentence with a good transition from the
introduction. She makes it clear that she is discussing ethos with use of
personal experience giving strength to the author’s argument. The quote she
used, however, looks like it would appeal more to pathos. The next paragraph brings up the use of ethos
in using the strategy of fairness to opposing views, but seems to lack a topic
sentence, quote and support for assertion. She can definitely build on this
point and make it a strong paragraph. In switching to the subject of the appeal
of pathos, the writer needs to incorporate more transition in her topic
sentence. She makes it clear, however which appeal and technique (language) she
is discussing. A Quote or paraphrase is needed before the critique of the
method. In the sixth paragraph the writer gives another example of appeal to
pathos. This paragraph has a nice transition, but I think she needs to be more
specific on the strategy used in her topic sentence. The rest of the paragraph
is good, providing a quote and critique of the author’s use of narrative tone.
The next paragraph seems a little out of place because it goes back to the
appeal to ethos with noting alternate views as well as touching on pathos and
language. In her eighth paragraph, I believe the writer gave an example of the
pathos appeal, but may have been trying to touch on the subject of logos
through a testimony from Malcom Nance. A transitional topic sentence seems to
be missing and her point on the quote used discusses pathos. I believe she
needs to revisit the paragraph as well as give mention to logos in her essay.
Finally
the conclusion again states the writer’s position on the success of the article.
She makes note of one way the author appealed to his audience, but I think she
can definitely build on this and make the paragraph a little longer and less
vague about the technique used to adhere to all of the appeals required. Once
she makes this a stronger recap to the essay she should have a better
conclusion.
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