Don't hate me but.....

• ·        How can hate, the degree or type, be defined by someone other than the person who supposedly harbors it?

• ·        Is hate defined by thought or expression?

• ·        Will the eradication of hate crime laws increase or decrease instances of crimes committed against victims of minority groups?

I recently ended a friendship with someone on the basis of repeatedly feeling intellectually disregarded and personally disrespected and belittled. While enduring a form of blatant argumentative harassment I was told by this person, “You are an unhappy person whose heart is filled with hate”. How can hate, the degree or type, be defined by someone other than the person who supposedly harbors it? I have certainly never told this person that I harbored a feeling of hatred for them nor did I make any attempts to personally or physically attack them. I simply removed myself from an unhealthy relationship.

The author describes three different forms of hate as obsessive, hysterical and narcissistic. Could it possibly be that he hates me under the narcissistic and/or sexist category because he is a man and I am a woman? This person is a book smart white male who has been successful thus far in college matriculation and comes from a wealthy upbringing. I am equally successful with my education thus far (if not better) and happen to be a woman who will argue points I feel passionate about and defend myself when attacked. I would go as far to say that I am a threat to his intelligence when I consistently challenge his reasoning and logic with counter-arguments and inquisition to his knowledge. So does he hate me because of who he is or because of who I am? I also wonder if this hatred exists within the mind or if it exists once it is expressed explicitly or if it is even hatred at all. Many degrees of hate were described along with the many degrees of love but the ability to measure it, in my opinion, is subjective to the individual and completely internal. Even should an individual attempt to express their feelings, are they accurately representing their inner emotions?

I think after reflecting on this situation I would have to concede with the author that specifying whether a crime against a victim or group of people is any degree worse when crimes of these nature resonate out of some kind of hate is redundant when horrendous acts such as murder, lynching and assault occur out of hate regardless of who the victim is. The form of hate could very well be the result of self-loathing and to designate a “hate crime” as something worse that the murder of a child is drawing lines that need not be drawn. They all deserve harsh punishment and measures of proactive prevention.